Schmitztech Chair Equals Money

Chair Equals Money

What is “chair equals money”? I know the question has been burning inside, preventing work during the day and sleep during the night. Unfortunately, no easy answer exist. The symbol’s profound meaning has escaped the comprehension of contemporary cryptologists and linguists alike. Nonetheless, many have made an attempt at understanding this glyph.

Here are the remains of an old open forum, with a few recent additions at the end.

6/8/2003 - Robbie Lee

Most people are not aware that the “chair equals money” symbol is astoundingly complex in meaning and is actually a reflection on human evolution. More accurately the symbol could be read to say “chair is money”, although it is not about chairs and money at all. The chair has four legs, but the dollar sign has only two legs. This represents that humans evolved from four-legged organisms into the two-legged organisms we are today. The contrast between the 3-D chair and the 2-D dollar sign represents the shallowness of the average human being as compared to the wholeness of our ancestors. The rigid lines of the chair represent the relatively straight evolutionary path taken by our ancestors, while the curving lines of the dollar sign represent the fact that we are now on an evolutionary downturn and will probably soon devolve in to amoebas or protists. The equals sign, with its double set of outstretched arms, represents evolution. This sign demonstrates that although the ancient chair and modern money seem incredibly different, they are joined by evolutionary time in a special bond similar to that between two hydrogen atoms. The chair has become money, therefore it is money.

6/8/2003 - Thao Le

The four directions, North, South, East, and West, are combined by the backbone of the chair to illustrate combining our strength and working together as a single chair to achieve wealth.

6/8/2003 - Herman Goering

Stuhl=Geld ist eine sehr einfache Idee. Aber zuerst muss man an die reinheit des Todes glauben. Der Stuhl ist ein Symbol der Maecke. Die Maecke faehrt nataerlich zum Geld.

6/8/2003 - Jon Reid

The dollar sign we see is the entirety of the symbol. There is no missing clarity in the image; that’s all there is to it. The chair, on the other hand, is really only a blank outline of a chair. Though it possesses the general shape of a chair, it lacks the inner definition that really defines a chair for all other purposes besides mere identification. Equating this with money is really saying that true success is derived from emptying the self, and retaining only the outwardmost self, in order that others might still define you. This is witnessed in many aspects in the world today. Buddhism has been practicing this process of inner self destruction for centuries, attempting to achieve a state of Nirvana, wherein the subject is reunited with the eternal and the body is all that remains in this world. In the corporate world, businesspeople are encouraged to maintain a constant outward appearance that does not change, regardless of the personal thoughts, feelings, or mindset of the employee. This environment has promoted a mindset of the “workplace attitude,” where people attempt to not discuss, show, or even think about things not related to the immediate physical task at hand in their job. In many religions, occupations, and other life tasks, success is truly attained through emptying the self while retaining the external, and this wise “Chair Equals Money” image captures this thought exceptionally well. I suspect that this image will begin moving out of the offices of the Pope, priests of all religions, CEOs and other control figures, and will begin to be displayed more overtly for all of the public to understand and implement.

6/8/2003 - The KJ

Michael, you simply have too much time on your hands…and that’s exactly what a chair equalling money means…Chairs don’t equal money…money equals chairs…wait… …what Robbie Said…

6/9/2003 - Ben

Okay. The “chair equals money” is a symbol of the evil empire of the chair equals money cult. you see, that is what it is, a cult. A cult that is seeping into the minds of the masses and taking over! It must be destroyed. The chair symbolizes control, and submission. And that simply equals money. Because Micheal will get money from his followers, because he will tell them that they must pay in order to get into the chair equals money heaven. Then he will run off with all the money. Each day more and more people fall to the evil empire. Soon, all will fall to it’s power. Then among the darkness one that hasn’t bought one of the heaven forsaken shirts, someone who hasn’t given in to the evil will rise and liberate the people of the world. Soon, the messiah is coming…soon. He will be blonde and they shall call him Bemanuel! TAKE REFUGE FROM THE EVIL! THE MESSIAH IS COMING!

6/9/2003 - The KJ

…tru dat. A cult that will jeopardize all that the masses have created. In response to his shirt slogan, he prophesizes the coming of money, and with it…evil. The shirt is THE shirt of all shirts, it alone has the ability to turn the wearer into an advertisement, an advertisement to the rest of the world. An advertisement of the evil that sill soon turn the idea of “chair equals money” into nothing but a senseless chain of words that will bind the victim’s tongue, and turn their empty sacks of flesh into nothing more then a separate entity, a shadow of what the subconscious once was. That is the true meaning of “chair equals money.” Losing oneself in the endless void of lies that connect us all. In the end, it is unavoidable, but can it stop us all? Do not be blinded by the pride that this shirt casts upon the wearer, for it is only a reflection of who that person once was. Now only a billboard, a dim face with hollow eyes, missing the very essence that once gave that person the elemnt of life. The end is near…the slogan can not stop us all…

6/10/2003 - Jono De Muerte

Silla es igual a dinero. Esa tiene significas muy interesantes, y tan abburidos… pero, todos tienen algo en comune. Todos son de esa– Cuando sientas, y escuchas al mundo alrededorde de tu, ganas mucho. Puedes preguntarme, ‘Por que ganas dinero cuando sientas?’ Y es facil. Todo del mundo quiere bendigarte, porque el Senor lo hizo asi. El Senor siempre esta con nosotros, y el quiere darnos todo de sus bendiciones, y por eso, todo de sus obras quieren lo mismo. Por eso, cuando paras, y calmas, y vacias su mente, el mundo te habla, y te dice cosas de bendiga. O, simplemente es que silla es igual a dinero, y en el futuro cuando tienes sillas, puedes pagar con esos. Y cuando vas a una restaurante, y sacas su billete a pagar, tienes que sacar tres sillas para su Big Mac con queso.

6/10/2003 - Adam Reid

Pretend that the chair is very old. Have your children write a story, titled, IF THAT CHAIR COULD TALK… Have your child imagine what that chair would say when Fluffy the cat used it as a scratching post. What about when brother Billy wasn’t potty trained or when Aunt Bertha tried to sit in it? If that chair could talk, it would probably have some pretty humorous stories.

6/10/2003 - Hatrack Dave

Me and the chair go way back. And, of course, me and Adam Reid go way back too. We used to gallivant around in our fancy automobile, myself serving as a hatrack (being as I’m a hat rack), Adam driving the car. Ah, memories…

6/10/2003 - David Bowman

The only path to enlightenment is to listen. Since the carpenter’s invention of the chair, this has become increasily simple. Where would we be without carpenters? Probably sitting on the floor somewhere. You may ask how this leads to money, but in fact, money is used in a symbolic sence. Money represents desire. I suppose you could sit in a chair and make actual money by working in a cubicle, but enlightenment is the way to go these days.

6/11/2003 -

The chair frequent makes accurately the equal one of the character of the money.

6/11/2003 - Miss. King

The chair represents education…sitting in a classroom for 12 to 16 years in order to make lots of money. The formula is the longer you sit in the chair or the more you use it, the greater the amount of money you will make!!! HA, what a joke…look at what teachers get paid!

6/11/2003 - Courtney

The chair represents life and in life we all strive to make as much money as possible, hence “chair = money”. If we all look for what is important in life, then we shall be successful. (this is a profound and deep meaning that all you people wouldn’t understand, especially Adam) lol

6/11/2003 - Tashida (Eli)

The meaning of “Chair=Money” is oviously up for speculation. Here’s my take on it. First of all, it isn’t a chair we are looking at, it is the past of everything we, as a speicies, have accomplished. Robbie’s point is well taken that this represents humans in the past. Sure we may have rounded our society off a bit, but we are still the remarkably similar to our ancestors. Thus, the past does not change with time, so chair equals money.

There is another way to look at it though, The chair, meaning simplicity, is what many people long for. The remedy of a peaceful world is a potent medicine. The Money is the flip side of the coin, we want money and other material possessions in order to quench our thirst of greed. Since humans both want both peace and money in great demand, they are equal.

Robbie’s description of the symbolic “chair=money” is what I consider the best. May the world tattoo the image into the back of their eyelids, and get a good nights sleep. Ponder away my friends.

6/11/2003 - A Translation of the post by Herman Goering

Chair=Money is a very simple idea. But first one must believe in the purity of death. The chair is a symbol of the mosquito. The mosquito leads naturally to the money.

6/11/2003 - Stephanie Schwartz

It is the American dream. We want to just sit around (the chair) and do nothing and yet STILL have the money (the money) and wealth which are the results of working. Kind of like the Stock Market. Though that hasn’t been all that reliable. Crazy people running around in chaos. It makes me laugh.

6/16/2003 - Cameron Sybertz

It is a simple symbol of economics, supply and demand: capitalism. Not too hard, you people just think to much.

6/16/2003 - Friedrich Engels

You fools! The expression “Chair equals Money” is representative of the capitalist way. Is shows that money (and therefore the idea of centering modern culture around it) is preposterous. The chair is merely a way of communicating this concept, nothing more. Money is equated with the chair only to show how truly ridiculous the invention of currency is. It is saying much the same thing as if it were “Pickled Gherkin equals Money” or perhaps “Mosquito-Infested Marsh equals Money.” It makes no difference what is used in place of the chair, the chair (and how it is related to money) is not the issue. The expression is a Communist rallying-cry for the abolition of the lunatic, oppressive system of capitalism. It speaks to the all the exploited workers of the world and it says, “Let us rid ourselves of this absurd idea of money! Let us break free of the chains of capitalism! Let us live freely and peacefully in a commune of humankind!” That is what “Chair equals Money” means.

6/18/2003 - Pixel Farmer

“Chair equals Money” was actually Einstein’s original theory of relativity. It slowly evolved into “Chair equals Money squared” then to “Energy equals Chair times mass cubed” then to “Chair times the speed of light equals money squared” then to “Chair minus 5” then finally to what we know today as E=mc2..

6/24/2003 - Tyler Follis

You guys are all reading this backwards and causing a complete misinterpretation of this concept. The Chair equaling money is not reflecting merely on the capitalist way but more as a reflection on multiple societies. The Chair is symbolic to the communist way, as they do not work for money, they work for chair. The chair is what people in a communist society work for without any concern for something like money. Chair is not only meaning chair but is symbolic to all things which money represents in our capitalist society such as houses, computers, etc. The Chair is representing these things. The money is a reflection on how all of these things which are earned in a communist society are bought with our money.

In conclusion. Communism is all about the chair, while capitalism is all about the money. Chair = Money is like saying Money = Money or Chair = Chair or 2 = 2. There is no chair. There is no money it is shown to show how it is shown that the show is really showing how all homans are equal and communist or not we can still love one another. I have shortened the symbol to this: =

6/27/2003 - Claudio Vespasian Drusus

Ave Schmitztech! Morituri te salutant!

6/28/2003 - Michael Schmitz

As administrator of this web page, I just have to say I have lost all respect for raging Frenchmen.

6/30/2003 - Jared

It stands for the position you hold in society. The bigger your chair, the more money you make. For instance, while thousands of Boeing employees are being laid off, the executives are getting bonuses and raises.

7/5/2003 - Google

Google’s Translation of Goering’s post from German to French to English to Italian to English to Portuguese and finally back to English:

“The chair = of moneies is an idea the very simple ones. But it must be believed purity of the inoperative women initially. The chair is a symbol of the mosquito. The handles of the mosquito of course to moneies”

Quality translation, isn’t it?

7/5/2003 - Stasis

Chair = Money is the ultimate paradox known to humankind since the rise and fall of wonderbread. Not only does it represent stability and integrity, it is filled with hidden preservatives and riddles designed to tantalize and torment the human mind once unwittingly discovering its true, ominous essence. As the mind is fallible, it is malleable. The brain can comprehend the concept of the chair, but does it see the interdependence with the monetary unit of the dollar sign? One must bend the mind to fully perceive and visualize the chair. “How does it equal money?” one may ask. But indeed, is that the question we should all be asking in these dark times? The American economy has been descending into a cataclysmic recession that is leaving the corporate world bloodied and mangled in the wake of corruption and monopolization. If one were to be confronted with the question that drives us, “What does Chair = Money mean?” presenting an accurate and dependable answer would have to primarily be determined by the audience facing the confronted. What does love mean? What does God mean? There are many like questions without any determinable logic or set outcome. Statistics proves nothing can be one hundred percent accurate, only a mere ninety-five percent accurate. Remember, it is how the mind perceives the question, not the absolute truth of the answer. If one persists in finding an answer, one must look into oneself, and into the others around them. Free your mind and enter the paradox; do not be limited by the burdening rules that govern your dimension. Society is merely a system of rules bound by community and reality. Can perfection be achieved? Ask yourself this. Once you have answered this question, you will know the meaning of Chair = Money, whether you can successfully structure an image in your mind or not.

7/9/2003 - Smdobay

The meaning of chair = money is much simpler than many people believe. It’s a symbols of economic times. With the dotcom bubble, hundreds of web entrepreneurs lost their jobs and businesses. With this occurence, one must sell their office supplies to make ends meet. (Chair = Money) = (Chair = Survival).

7/11/2003 - kpauley

The inquiry into why “chair = money” is one of Zen Buddhism’s ultimate “koans” (story, anecdote or a question followed by an answer.) Each koan contains in it some insight into Zen which the student is expected to grasp. It’s raison d’etre is to lead the student to “satori” or enlightenment. The koan exists to hammer upon the walls of logic and convention until they collapse. Its basic premise is to confront the student with a story or question which is utterly incomprehensible. Viewed from the perspective of ordinary consciousness fixed upon dualistic thinking, the koan is nothing more than mindless gibberish. It is this very absurdity that opens the mind, that slowly evokes the possibliity of doubting the world of dualism. Just as T’ung-shan responded “Three pounds fo flax” to the the question, “What is the Buddha?”, as I have meditated on the question “does chair = money?” I have found true enlightenment. The answer is simply “mu.”

7/12/2003 - Him

I think the [exceptionally nice person whom I fully respect] needed a name for his game, and found that chairs equaling money worked pretty well. Also, the whole thing about the comunest crap… good stuff, what you said. I back that too.

7/15/2003 - Chantelle Merkley

I am here to provide you all with a relatively simple explanation of “Chair=Money” that I am, quite frankly, surprised none of you intelligent people have come up with yet.

Let’s begin with the “Money” part of the “Chair=Money” symbol, and through a simple chain of events, let it guide us through the symbol to discover its true meaning. Now, how does one obtain money? Usually, by obtaining a job. To gain a respectable income, one gains an respectable job. Now to do this, as many of us have been taught all throughout our short lives, one must acquire an education, by attending school. For 80-90% of this schooling, one sits in a chair. This chain of events is simplifed in the famous “Chair=Money” icon.

The next question one may ask of this emblem is why? Why create such a controversial little picture? This part is open to more subjective interpretation. I for one believe that “Chair=Money” is quite possibly a cry for educational reform. Why force us to sit in cheaply made uncomfortable chairs for 13+ years so that we may simply provide for our families? I have hopes that if the symbol of “Chair=Money” and its true meaning are spread around enough, that one day our children or our children’s children will not have to suffer the woes of plastic chair education, but may be able to relax in chintz or plush armchairs, or use bean-bag chairs-with a desktop attachment. Or maybe the future children of America will receive their education on yoga mats.

7/15/2003 - The Don

Chair = money is an elegant expression and shorthand for Chairman = monetary policy which is short for Chairman of the Board = monetary policy of the Federal Reserve unless you are a Hank Williams fan. In which case, it is all about you know what:


(D) Now I got rockin’ chair money But I got it the hard, hard way I (G) fought in every (D) battle From the start to the VJ day And now I’ll rock…yeah rock… Oh baby (A7)rock…rock on down the (D) line

Now some folks seem to be jealous Some don’t seem to care But I got rockin’ chair money, honey To rock on away from here Cause I love to rock…yeah rock… Baby, rock, rock on down the line

I rocked away out on the ocean I rocked from here and there My baby stepped out while I was gone Now she don`t get my rockin’ chair Cause I love to rock, yeah rock Baby, rock, rock on down the line

I’ll soon get my big check, baby And then we’ll have some fun This rockin’ chair money, honey Is better than totin’ a gun Cause I love to rock, yeah rock Baby, rock, let’s rock on down the line

Now, honey, let’s go honky tonkin’ Let’s honky tonk all night Let’s lollygag and smooch and love and do it all up right Cause I love to rock, yeah rock Baby, rock, let’s rock on down the line

7/20/2003 - GameDevDude

I took it for granted as “ah, he’s a programmer. He makes money sitting in his chair programming.” But I must agree with stasis on everything he said aside from the meaning of the chair=money symbol.

I’m going to skydive with my dog now.

7/20/2003 - The Meaning of Life

Could the Chair = Money truly be the meaning of life? I don’t think so, but I’ll ponder it more while I play ping pong and dream on snorkeling on a Mexican beach.

7/30/2003 - Mr. Sullivan

Chair = $ is the code name to get on to the grading network at EHS. Sadly, since Michael David Schmitz did this to change his one and only B in to and A, He will be expelled from Everett High School. To put this code on a t-shirt is rather puzzling considering that I know the code, and how great of a student Michael was to do such a thing.

Mr. Sullivan

7/31/2003 - Big Brother

Interpretation? How’s this for interpretation. Every person uses perfect capitalization on this site. In this online universe, only one person would go so far to make this so…MICHAEL! You didn’t. Capitalizing isn’t just for corrections, it’s for expression. Such as this sentance. Such comes from the root word sustinance and boy I’m hungry.

(Capitalized by Michael Schmitz)

8/16/2003 - Ron Goldberg

I think it’s a great idea for a hidden camera show. Here’s the setup. You place a chair in the middle of a crowded sidewalk and if anybody sits down on the chair you surprise them and give them money. If you sit on the chair it equals money. Someone post a message after me and let me know if this is a brilliant idea or you think I’m a complete idiot.

8/17/2003 - Anonymous

Hidden Camera Show- After one episode aired wouldn’t people try sit in almost every chair they see… causing a woldwide “Musical Chairs” type phenomenon, resulting in widespread panic and violence?

8/25/2003 - Concerned Reader

Chair = money is nothing less than a call to action. Unfortunately, it has been grossly misinterpreted, so no action has taken place other than the distribution of the t-shirts and the placing of funds into michael’s pocket.

The actual call to action is this: to alert the world to the plight of the estimated 27 million men, women, and children in the world who are enslavedâphysically confined or restrained and forced to work, or controlled through violence, or in some way treated as property. The majority of these slaves of the 21st century are “debt slaves.” Debt slavery has it’s different forms, but many of its victims are drawn in by promises of better jobs or futures. One woman from Moldova, who has since found freedom, was captured in this way. Someone she considered a friend suggested that he could help her find a job in turkey. She accepted his offer to drive her there, through Romania, but he led her to the Serbian Border, where she was handed over to a group of serb men who then brutally raped her and threatened to kill her if she resisted. She was then taken under guard to Bosnia, where she was bought and sold by several brothel owners ten times in the next two years. her average selling price was $1,500. When she became pregnant, she feared a forced abortion and finally escaped to the bosnian city of mostar, where she was sheltered by a group of bosnian women. This woman was a debt slave. All of the money earned for her services went to her owner at the moment. This money was supposed to cover her “debt” - the money that owner paid to her previous owner in order to purchase her. Debt slavery, in its different forms, is the most common type of slavery today.

So now i will explain how Michael Schmitz has daringly sought to alert the world through the use of “chair = money”, for those of you who have not yet caught on.

Chair represents work. It symbolizes that work which the slaves are willing to do when they believe that they are being led to a brighter future. It also symbolizes the reality of the work that they will do, when they are captured by slavery. The chair, in its essense represents those duties that the slaves must carry out. Each different type of slave labor, whether it is prostitution or factory work, has its own implications of a type of furniture, such as a bed for prostitution. However, Michael Schmitz wished to create one message to encompass all types of slavery, so he chose the chair as a universal piece of furniture. While not every slave must use a bed for their duties, nearly all of them use chairs at some point.

The money is obvious to any thinking person. Money is the aim for both the slave and the owner. The slave accepts what they think is a favor in return for the hope of making money, and the owner captures the slave in the certainty of exploiting him and making money for himself.

Thus, for the slave in his delusions prior to capture, his work equals making money. for the owner, the slave’s work equals him making money off of that work.

It is a sad cycle that must be stopped. All facts mentioned above can be confirmed in the September 2003 issue of National Geographic, or at their website:

for more information about slavery and what’s being done to stop it, visit more resources can be found at http:=== //, under “related links.” ===

Hopefully this posting will spread the awareness of modern-day slavery, thus fulfilling the true purpose behind the “chair = money” t-shirts.

8/25/2003 - Zach Q.

First of all the dollar sign represents “dollar” not “money.” Does every nation on earth use the dollar as standard currency? No. This realization shows us that the so called “Chair Equals Money” symbol in fact represents something common to all humanity (the chair) in relation to something purely American (the dollar). Let us first define the chair. As Jon Reid so wisely pointed out, the symbol of chair is not a true representation of a real chair. So we can see that it represents something that is not only universally human, but also that appears much simpler to the uneducated observer than it actually is. Chairs make it easy for people to sit and waste away their lives, therefore chairs encourage laziness. in the same way the thing that the chair represents also encourages laziness. All these criteria clearly show us that chair=fear. Fear is universal. Fear seems simple, but its roots go deep into the history and subconscious of men. Fear prompts men to do nothing and is a common excuse for laziness. Now let us define what it is the dollar represents in this symbol. As with the chair, we will define dollar’s characteristics and use them to derive and define what it is that dollar represents. The value of the dollar is completely imagined. The dollar bill itself is unimportant; we can pay for things using credit or debit cards that only cause a network of computers to adjust the balance of all affected accounts. The dollar is therefore not a symbol of material wealth, as with gold or sliver coins used in days past, but of confidence. People are confident that their bills or their plastic cards will pay for things. But this confidence is foolishness because the value of a dollar only works in times of peace and stability. If society were to fall apart and times became turbulent and unstable the dollar would lose its value. So, now we finally see that dollar equals peace.

In conclusion we see that fear equals peace, because fear motivates humans to avoid conflict and remain in stagnant peace.

8/26/2003 - Steven Spielberg

I think the idea for the hidden camera show and the response to Ron Goldberg, regarding the hidden camera show would make a great silver screen smash.

9/7/2003 - EBS

This is only a test conducted by the emergency broadcast system.

9/7/2003 - Robbie Lee

Chairs are made out of wood (unless they’re made out of plastic, steel, or sponge, but that’s beside the point). Money in bill form is not made from paper as most people think but is actually a mixture of cotton and other textiles…I’m going to pretend that money is made out of paper. As everyone knows, paper comes from the senseless slaughter of many helpless trees. Chairs are also created through this massacre of our tree friends. So, the “chair=money” equation is actually a tree-hugging protest against the production of chairs and money. Make love, not chairs.

9/7/2003 - Robbie Lee

By the way, for anyone who knows me and actually cares, my e-mail address is “” I’m bored; send me something!

p.s. Michael, this website is the coolest in the world (especially the forum). Sorry this has nothing to do with chairs or money besides the intrinsic element of “chair=money” that is found in all things.

9/25/2003 - Dan Miller

It’s unfortunate to see so many bright minds in such a dim state of stupor. Why have we all confined ourselves to reading it as Chair = Money? When in actuallity thanks to our Asian friends who read backwards, we can read it Money = Chair? So perhaps the symbology is rather quite simple if one looks at the symbolic equation from right to left. Money = Chair could be defined simply as giving money to someone and you get a chair. Hence the money and the chair are equal, since you could take the chair and give it to someone for money. So in conclusion the equation shows the equality of trade.

10/25/2003 - Dan

E-mail: (optional; will neither be publically displayed nor sold) What is it for then?

Michael Schmitz: The e-mail address is for me in case I wish to contact an individual who has posted to the forum.

11/5/2003 - Conspiracy Theorist

It’s all just one big arch-conservative plot to prevent our savior, Jesse Jackson (and his sidekick Al Sharpton), from becoming president and leading us to glory (or at least to green eggs and ham)…

11/21/2003 - Anonymous

Okay, so we’ve been through the possible political, societal, and linguistic interpretations of Chair= Money, or Chair= Dollar Sign etc. But could the meaning be found merely by rearranging the letters? Is it possible that the true message was simply scrambled into a nonsensical statement so that only a select few would know the truth? I think so, and here are the possibilities I’ve come up with as of yet.(It is nearly impossible howevere to use all the letters and I think one or two were put in there to throw us off. I also took the liberty of adding punctuation when appropriate. “Chair Equals Money” Queasy Hair Clone-M Same hair, clone? (Q U Y) His Car, no equal. (M E Y) Early Chai on M, S. Que?

11/25/2003 - Anagramer

“Mainly queer chaos” results from “a queer, social hymn” at the “macho enquiry sale”. They all yelled “Ho! Query manic seal!” They asked the King to stop the chaos, but he only replied “Ya! I am no squelcher.” Instead, he moved to a “homely, nice quasar”.

12/4/2003 - Amy

“Chair equals money” is simply a away to express the dot com era. Where people are making money by just sitting in their comfy office chairs and making money off the internet. And this is the down fall of our society. We no longer have to leave the house or our comfy chairs. Damn the Man!

12/4/2003 -

Yes! Damn the Man, Save the Empire!

For you pop-culture ignorant, that is a quote from the Cult Film “Empire Records.” Maybe Chair Equals Money is really a conspiracy by Miramax. They’ve paid Michael off so they can use his shirts as a “billboard” to command us to sit in a chair, the privilege for which you pay massive sums of money ($9.00 ticket fee), and watch movies… bad movies… like Cat In The Hat.

12/12/2003 - Jeremy Sites

Chair equals money is the dream of every red-blooded American (and a few sparsely populated Canadians): the dream that you can make tons of money and sit on your damn chair the entire time. Kinda like making a website and selling clothes on it. You don’t have to work for it, you just set up the site and watch the money flow in from the comfort of your chair. I, myself, believe in the work ethic of Santa’s Little Elves (contrary to popular belief, Santa’s elves are not hobbits, but that would sure be cool). Work for a fat, white guy who pays you didly shit and never complain about incredibly long work hours with no breaks or lunches. On second thought, I think I might just need to contact the Department of Labour on old jolly St. Nick. On another note, I think I want to write a short story based on the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer song. It will be called, “How Superman Saved Christmas.”

12/19/2003 - Peter Lee

I must start by saying that the dollar sign is clearly not a representation of money at all but of a snake wrapped around two legs. With this new piece of information it is easy to see that the Chair=$ shirt was developed as a warning, perhaps to say that if one sits in a chair then a snake will wrap around their leg. It could also be interpereted more generally to say that if you sit down your legs will get weaker, hence the snake on the legs.

1/6/2004 - Guy Montag

Clearly chairs will become the universal form of currency. Dollars have had so many problems with inflation, deflation, tearing, getting lost, etc. Not only can one easily repair and impossible to lose a chair, but people will never stop needing them. Chairs have endured as a statement of fashion since the dawn of civilization. Can you picture a household without chairs? Wouldn’t you find them slightly behind the times?

Banks had better start stockpiling now, because chairs are in. I hear they are already mass-hiring carpenters and developing chair-building machines to replace ATMs.

3/24/2004 -

This forum has become slightly depressing. No new posts since January? Great minds can debate minutae for centuries, and we can’t debate Chair=Money for one year? What does that say about the state of our intellect!

3/31/2004 - Einstein

I’ll tell you what it says about the state of your intellect. It says you’re a bunch of damn fools with a combined IQ equal to that of a dead flashlight battery! And you wanna know something else? This entire forum is a blatant rip-off of my greatest theory ever! I know you all think it’s “E=MC squared”, but I clearly said “Bling Bling=Chairs” and the bastards just weren’t paying attention. So thanks to them, the whole universe is screwed over. Life sucks…oh crap, I’m already dead.

4/17/2004 - Michael Schmitz

Well, even though we have had little activity on the C=$ post lately, I find it a great success. We’ve already had a number of the famous and the infamous:

Herman Goering Claudio Vespasian Drusus Ron Goldberg Steven Spielberg Einstein “Him”

At this rate it won’t be long until we have posts from Bush, Osama bin Laden, and the Pope!

4/23/2004 - George H. W. Bush

I feel that “Chair=$” is another pathetic attempt by certain politicians to reinstate voodoo economics. Chair does not equal money, like lowering taxes does not bring more money into the federal government. It is a sad day when those words censored to avoid presidential scandal jerks get our young people to think like this.

By the way, those of you whom will be old enough to vote come November… Have you thought about how wonderful our president is doing right now? Would you really want to completely change the system of government in the middle of a war? Of course not. Vote Bush!

G.H.W. Bush 41st President of the United States of America

4/26/2004 - Pope John Paul II

I feel that… mumbles something in Latin Huh? Where am I…? Oh, yes… Chair = $… this is a symbol of American greed… the site is American, yes? Yes… American Greed.

The Americans have sunk so deeply into their depravity that they feel that they deserve monetary compensation for merely sitting. It is another sign the End Times are coming… *more mumbling… in Italian… *

Deo nos bendiga, contra el diablo…. ummmm…

snoring in background

A second voice, not the pope’s Unfortunately, the Holy Reverence has other important things to take care of at the moment, this interview is over. Please, go with God.

5/11/2004 - Jesse

What it obviously says. Chair = money is thus. Make chairs. You sell the chairs. You get money.

How easy was that. God i’m a genious.

5/12/2004 - Copy Editor

Genious? Do you mean Genius? Or is it some odd British spelling?

5/13/2004 - Jono…

I think the person can’t spell… Sad… though I do wonder who “Copy Editor” is… are they a KODAK staffer? Hmmmm….

5/24/2004 - Osama bin Laden

Sadly, you infidels ponder this question for fun and you still can’t get it. The meaining of chair=money is so simple George W. Bush could understand it.(not that I have anything against him) Anyway here it is, if I get caught someone will recieve a handsome figure and most likely I’ll be exuctued, therfore if I get the electric chair it equals money to someone.

5/24/2004 - Osama bin Laden

After sleeping in a cave for two years I must have forgotten how to spell, so what I meant to say was executed not exuctued.

6/4/2004 - Spelling Bee Champ

Hey Osama! Not only did you misspell “executed”, you also screwed up on “meaning” (meaining??), “receive” (recieve?), and “therefore” (therfore?). You should definitely stick to terrorism, man.

6/9/2004 - God

Verily “Chair Equals Money” is a statement concerning matters that are unimportant to one of such great power and majesty as I. If I had to guess, I would say that it is an attempt to become a catalyst for a forum and a website. I am God, I have spoken. And all ye who disagree can go to Hell. I’m God. I can do it. So watch out.

6/29/2004 - Albert Anzinger

Everybody ask me about that T-shirt in Germany. NO ONE know what you mean and don’t understand it, but i mean, the chair is build out of tropical wood and tropical wood is a expensive wood and gives you much money when you sale it. That is my opinion. I said all peoples, who ask about that T-shirt, they should visit your homepage. P.S.: Greetings from Germany and I hope Pauls Video is a good Video!

8/23/2004 - you know

The moment i saw you Michael, I started to adore you Your eyes smile your gentle voice i was falling in love with you. And i had no choice.

The time I saw you, you stood out from all the rest, Your eyes, your laughter, your actions: I was falling in love with you and it was true satisfaction, I saw you again you looked like you were in pain.

Your eyes, your tears, your fears: i was falling in love with you, as the stories end near. The last time I saw you I was falling fast. Your eyes you smile your gentle touch. I was falling in love with you and I knew that much .

Sincerely Yours…

Actually, I really do not know. Michael Schmitz

9/28/2004 - Simply Amazed

Wow Mike, you’ve sure got some admirer there

9/28/2004 - How could you?

How could you not know who I am? Did all those tender moments mean nothing to you, all those sweet words? Did that time in the hotel room mean nothing more to you than just another virgin conquest? How dare you? You lying bastard! I can’t believe I ever imagined us growing old together with our children. Bobby, Emily, Amy, George, Daniel, Mateo, Hanna, and Julio will be heartbroken when I tell them their daddy has forgotten them. You cold asshole, I hope you got my VD.

Sincerely Yours…

Pat Robertson

9/30/2004 - Conner

Chairs obviously rule the universe. Therefore I win.

10/3/2004 - Curious and now Concerned Reader

After just reading the section titled “How Could You?” I have become seriously disgusted. I hope the writer didn’t mean to say that Michael has a cold asshole because I know it’s not cold(just kidding!)

11/9/2004 - Blue

Okay, seriously. This site has garnered over 1,000 hits since the last posting, does no one look at the forum anymore? I’m beginning to fear that the forum has lost its “center”, and maybe even (based on recent entries) its Moral Values. I think we need to get the word out to Middle, or Red, America, where the fate of this forum will fast become one of their top priorities… Maybe we could create an advisory board to control content, or since Osama has posted, contact Homeland Security…

11/17/2004 - seymour butts

Like that will do anything^

11/17/2004 - Amanda Hump

I just discoverd this part of the website

Everett doesn’t exactly epitomize excitement, but interesting things do occasionally happen in the city.

i hope html works

11/17/2004 - Anonymous

the link is the interesting thing…

11/18/2004 - Anonymous

(Like that will do anything) It got Bush elected.

11/24/2004 - bill

Chair+money. hi mom

11/24/2004 - Snoop Dogg

I am going to slaptizzle michael schmitz off the hizzle until he becomes a rappertizzle with me and Lil Jontizzle.

11/24/2004 - Snoop Dogg

I am going to slaptizzle michael schmitz off the hizzle until he becomes a rappertizzle with me and Lil Jontizzle.

11/24/2004 - Napoleon Dynamite

This is pretty much the best forum ever made, GOSH!! Its flippin sweet that Snoop Dogg looks at this thing. Heck yes, he should slap Michael Schmitz! He has nice bangs though and a cool website… Lucky!!!

11/24/2004 - Kip

Napoleon, what are you doing on this forum. You’re just jealous that I’ve been chatting online with hot babes all day. Besides we both know that I’m training to be a cage fighter.

11/28/2004 - Now wait just one minizzle…

That wasn’t Snoop Dogg (look at the poor application of the “-izzle” sufix).

If the pigs try to git at ya, park it like it’s hot, park it like it’s hot.

11/30/2004 - Urban Dictionary Word of the Day

R. Kelley 1. v. To have relations with a younger woman. Because rapper R. Kelley has that reputation. “Why you R. Kelleyin” those jr. high girls?

1/3/2005 - Eric Schmitz

Ben Weintraub looks cool.

micheal, invite me to your dorm sometime.

2/10/2005 - John C. Crapper

When I invented the toilet, I didn’t expect Michael to throw up in it after drinking at a party.

2/22/2005 - Erika

The chair represents the current requirements for a well paying job; you sit. Desk jobs are now the norm. There are barely any farmers or physical laborers, and (referencing back to the farmer) even if you look at the factory farm, the workers SIT next to machines and watch the wheels turn. For people to acquire money in this present day, they no longer perform a physical task or a trade, they rather write a proposal or design a building.

Service jobs, which usually require standing are commonplace and don’t pay well, would be the counter statement. No C= No $

OR sitting and contemplating ideas leads to discoveries and patents which equate to money. sometimes.

3/10/2005 - Walter Milo

yo, fo schizzle Mike got the hottest g’s on the block for friends. We just chill it in the club or the dorm if ya know what I mean. Holla at your boys dawg, this here is some gangsta in its purest form!

3/15/2005 - frgl

Chairs sell for money; it’s pretty simple.

3/16/2005 - Effigy

Micheal, I DONT KNOW… why dont you write one?

3/16/2005 - Gee Minor Seventh

Because, if there was a reolution to the mystery, this forum would be non-existent!

4/7/2005 - Albert Anzinger

I want to go back to Everett or Seattle!!! Germany is cold and cloudy. Let something more hear about you, MICHAEL! ICQ: 250515156 or send me a mail. How are you at the University of Washington?

4/14/2005 - Love

Christina hates chairs. Ben loves chairs.

– quoted from 14 April 2005 in dorm room

4/25/2005 - Effigizzle

Yeah that’s like effigy and izzle in one. If Michael actually wrote one, he wuold solve this mystery for all of us. Hallelujah!

5/22/2005 - Christina

Chair = money is like “Christina shoot me with gun.” It is applish. don’t try to understand applish; just smile and nod. It is what makes Michael so special.

6/11/2005 - Mike Jones

im mike jones who mike jones the one and only you can not clone me got a lot a haters and a lot of homies, some friends some phonies back then didn’t want me now im hot hoes all up on me, i said back then didn’t want now im hot hoes all up on me

7/21/2005 - Clint Stanovsky

Chair = $:

As that blueslady said, “If I can’t sell it, I’m gonna sit on it. I see no reason to give it away!”

9/20/2005 - tyler allen

I liked the naked dude vid. I was quite aroused micheal. good work, keep those videos coming!


11/24/2005 - saloni

chair symbolizes comfort, reliablity and support. money too provides you with same. chair is the most universal furniture piece and money the universal requirement that everyone strives to achieve . so in a vague sense both represent life………. they represent desire……. desire for life

1/19/2006 - Anonymous

chair = $ has no meaning, it is only used as a conversation starter for chicks

4/16/2006 - Eric Schmitz

Brother, I really want to ask this emaciated girl to prom but i am too scared

4/12/2018 - Kathryn Chan

椅 chair = 財 money, I think you can tell 貝 looks like a person and 才 looks like a chair. so 貝才->財.